Early Morning Memories

I was lying in bed not sleeping (as I tend to do at 4:30 a.m. these days) and this memory came to me:

Maybe it was two years ago? Maybe three? We were having tacos and Isabelle suggested having hot chocolate with our dinner. So that's what we had. The real struggle came when the little 6 or 7-year-old refused to eat her taco because there was lettuce on it (she doesn't like lettuce). I could feel this tension starting to build. For some reason I had the idea to cut the tension by thanking her for the good suggestion to have hot chocolate. She got this proud look on her face, picked up the taco, and took a bite.

Sometimes I'm a good mother. :)

Abused

Something that's been on my mind for a while:

The abused react...as abused.

I watch a married couple, two people very close to me, two equally wounded individuals from very different backgrounds, go back and forth snapping at each other on a regular basis. From my perspective, neither of them hardly ever has ground to react in such a way, but the response is so knee-jerked, there hardly is time to really think whether they are justified.

I watched a young mom whose daughter throws violent tantrums and will hit her and throw things at her and instead of disciplining, the mother will react as if the daughter should instinctively know her feelings are hurt; as if the mother has taken all this personally, which to be fair, is probably very difficult not to do.

I myself sometimes react to my argumentative daughter defensively, even responding in sarcasm or condescension, immediately regretting my choice. The way I treat my mother sometimes takes me by surprise and I have to turn around to apologize.

Having apparently gotten into a heated political discussion with someone I care about on Facebook (I say apparently because I was not aware it was heated at all until I read her latest response), I had to take a step back and think. Why is she reacting this way? Why does she assume my tone is what she thinks it is? Perhaps she is a wounded person? My statements, completely neutral in my mind, were probably taken as angry and lashing out at her.

It's so very curious to me. I wonder if I stop reacting as if abused, how that would affect my day-to-day thinking and interactions with other people? But how do I stop?