I thought I had made an effort to see things from the new wife's perspective, but I've been thinking recently. I was too busy presuming that she would never think to even try to see things from my perspective. Well, I guess that's her responsibility. Mine is to learn and to grow and to love. Here is a woman seemingly in love with a man who has three kids. Her goal is to get along with these kids so that her relationship with this man can continue harmoniously, because in her mind, this has real potential to progress into marriage. This man was once married to the mother of said kids, and may or may not still harbor feelings for her. So she is faced with two obstacles: 1. Win over children. 2. Be sure the mother is no longer in the picture.
Here's my perspective. I am a woman who was married for nine years with three children. I have witnessed at least three women in and out of this man's life before the new wife came along. Two of them had interaction with my babies. I'm not thinking of his happiness. I'm not thinking of her happiness. I'm thinking of this strange woman playing family with MY CHILDREN.
But, you see, she has to. She has to play family. She has to become involved and interested in their lives. She can't be disconnected or detached. At least that's what instinct tells her. I still haven't decided how healthy it is for a new partner to be thrown into the children's lives. Finding and subsequently losing a new partner can often mean confusion and disappointment for the children involved. It's a scary thing, which I imagine can be easily forgotten in emotions and excitement of a new love.
So you see, while I'm not exactly condoning the method in which this relationship was formed; reached; established. I'm remembering that we are all humans with real emotions; real hopes; real fears. I can't sit over here stewing because whatever didn't happen the way I wanted it to. Whatever did happen. Life is happening and I can't control every little bit of it. I can only control how I respond to it. So when I speak of the new wife to my children, I am slowly losing that twinge I once so heavily felt. She is a part of the family. When my children go over there, they are a family. I get to think of her as just a girl who feels she has found her happiness, and hope that she can richly add to my children's lives.
