Elijah is an interesting character. When he's excited, he'll rock from side to side and gesture in odd ways. He has sound effects for everyday physical actions. Like running for instance, he will make the woosh sound quietly to himself. He used to follow up his jokes with a rimshot (you know, budum-ching!). When hearing a stern tone from his father, he audibly gulped like in the cartoons. He'll talk to you if he wants; won't if he doesn't, but if you bring up a video game he likes, you can't shut him up. He went through a phase where he'd greet me or his nana by running straight into us, almost knocking me down a few times from behind. Elijah is diagnosed with high functioning autism.
In Pre-Kindergarten, his teacher had asked if he had ever been evaluated for autism. He would stiffen if she tried to touch him, or physically guide him away from something. I remember a day after school when he came to me to pick him up (he was a very small 5-year-old). He laid his head down and melted in my arms. I stood there in the midst of all the children and all the staring parents with my eyes shut, rocking him back and forth. Those moments were very rare and very special.
Lately Elijah has been very "huggy." It's not that he's NOT a hugger...it's just that they're usually those 12-year-old side hugs or a couple pats on the arm with an awkward "heh." Maybe it's because I've been so busy, but every day when he comes home he finds me, gives me a hug, and tells me how his day was. Tonight I had music practice at my church. I came home after the kids had gone to bed, but Elijah heard me and got up. He hugged me and then hugged me again. He asked me all sorts of questions he had already asked me multiple times during the day but had forgotten on account of his short-term memory (I've read hydrocephalus can cause that). He started asking me a question and then started over and then started over again, as he is known to do and then hugged me again. He gave me a long, tight hug. One of those hugs that melts away the whole day and gives you that short burst of energy. I've told him over and over how much I love his hugs, so he knows that is a way he can show me love.
I walked him to bed and I lay by his side and we chatted for a bit, hugged, chatted, and hugged some more. In the midst of our chatting I told him how much I loved him. That no matter what, even if he makes a mistake, even if he is angry, that his dad and I still love him. He stared into my eyes (and not slightly to the right of them like usual). I could see the love (and not the normal hint of confusion mixed with a far off look). It reminded me of the horrible dream about his death. I woke up crying uncontrollably and went into his room to watch him sleep. He woke up and patted my arm softly, and still half asleep, comforted me. "There, there." He offered to sleep with me that night so I would feel better and blew me a kiss when he went to his dad's house.
My son isn't typical. He isn't standard. He's odd, repeats himself, rocks back and forth, walks in circles around my kitchen, has occasional ticks, and doesn't know how to socialize with his peers...but I'll bet you anything he knows how to express his love better than any other 12-year-old kid when he wants to.
